Midnight in Manehattan
by Red Foot Zeff
Summary: The thrilling tale of Pony Joe's life before Ponyville in the seedy crime world of prohibition-era Manehattan.
1. Chapter 1: The Underground Businessman

It was another rainy night in Manehattan. The wind whistled through the empty streets, flapping back and forth the sign of the store 'Manehattan Staplers Ltd.' Inside, Pony Joe stood behind the counter. Staplers and boxes of staples lined the shelves. He had his coat on, making sure to conceal his cutie mark. It was a cold night. He wished he could be downstairs in the warm with the others. But of course, he had to man the storefront. It would look too suspicious if there was simple no-one there. The door creaked open. Joe lifted his head up to see a bedraggled, suit-wearing pony walk in. He took his hat off and squeezed the rainwater out before strolling over to Joe. "What can I do for you sir?" Joe asked. He knew what the answer was going to be for someone coming in at this hour. "Could I buy a stapler please?" the pony asked. "What colour?" The suited pony looked around to check that no-one else was there. "Purple," he said. Joe nodded. "Right this way good sir." He walked out from behind a counter and opened a door marked 'Supply Closet'. A staircase lay inside. He trotted down the steps, the other pony following him. It went down deep. Soon enough, the muffled sounds of music and merriment could be heard. They got to the bottom and Joe pushed open another door. Light flooded out. The room was filled with ponies. They sat around laughing and warbling songs. A pianist played jovial music in the corner. And there in the centre of the room was what the suited pony had come for. The donut bar. Chocolate sprinkles, jelly-filled, they had it all. Boxes upon boxes of sweet, contraband donuts. The donut prohibition had hit Manehattan hard, but speakeasies could be found all over the city, if you knew where to look. "Thank you my good man," the pony said to Joe before rushing over to the bar. Pony Joe left the basement, careful to avoid stepping on the female pony passed out on the floor, caster sugar lining her lips. He chuckled to himself as he ascended the stairs, thinking of all the money he was making. Before prohibition he had been close to bankruptcy. But now, almost all of his rivals had shut down and he was becoming rich. Thank you Celestia, he thought to himself. This prohibition was the best thing that had ever happened to him.


	2. Chapter 2: A Meeting and a Threat

The next day, there was a knock at the door very early in the morning. Joe heaved himself out of bed, made his way to the storefront and opened the door. There were two ponies standing in the doorway. One was a light-green unicorn and the other was an Earth pony with a blue and purple striped mane. They were both wearing dark sunglasses and serious expressions. Oh dear. Joe knew who these ponies were. They were Bon-Bon and Lyra. Everyone in Joe's line of business knew that having them turn up at your front door was very bad. But it wasn't them you should be scared of. It was their boss.  
"Get in the car," said Bon-Bon forcefully.  
"You know what," said Joe, "I'm kind of busy today. Why don't I come see you some other time?"  
"That wasn't a question." They grabbed him by the arms and threw him into the backseat of a black car. Joe looked mournfully out the window as they drove away from his 'store'. It was probably going to be the last time he ever saw it.

The car pulled up outside a large, decadent building. Bon-Bon and Lyra got out and escorted Joe inside. They walked him into a lift and went to the third floor. After walking down a long, decorated corridor, Lyra knocked on a large set of double-doors.  
"Enter," said the voice from inside. Inside was a huge office with a desk in the centre. And sitting at the desk was the most powerful crime-lord in the whole of Manehattan.

"So we finally meet, Pony Joe," said Pinkie Pie. "Please, have a seat." Joe sat down in the chair in front of her desk. It was massive but had nothing on it but a plaque and a bowl of cupcakes.  
"I'm going to be blunt with you Joe," she said, putting her hooves together in front of her face. "I need you to shut down your speakeasy. Joe gulped. While this wasn't nearly as bad as what he had been expecting, this was still very bad.  
"I can't really do that," he said nervously. "That's the only way I can afford to feed myself anymore. When the cops shut down my donut store I was nearly made homeless before I started operating again in secret."  
"I understand that that's a problem, but you have to understand, bootleg confectionary is my line of work. I've got a real racket going at the moment with my speakeasies and I can't afford to let some two-bit donut seller take my customers. Look, if you stop now, then there'll be no hard feelings. We'll forget this meeting ever happened. But if I find out that you're still open for business in two weeks' time, then let's just say that you might find yourself turning up in my cupcakes." Grinning evilly, she took a cupcake from the bowl and bit into it.  
"You're free to go," she said, her mouth still half full. "Remember, you've got two weeks to think about it. That's it." Joe stood up and left the office. He couldn't close his speakeasy. There weren't any more jobs in this town. He wouldn't last long. But he was going to die anyway if he kept it open. Pinkie Pie could have him killed with a snap of her hoof. What to do, what to do?


	3. Chapter 3: Unfortunate News

Joe walked back to his store miserably. He was done for. There was nothing else he could do. He pushed open the door to his gloomy 'staple shop' and saw Derpy Hooves sweeping the floors. He had hired the wall-eyed pony as his assistant two months ago. She was very useful but her slight vision impairment meant that she was fairly accident-prone. Joe liked her however and one day, when he was no longer able to, he hoped that she would take over the business.  
"Hey there boss!" she said, looking up at him and smiling. "Where have you been all morning?"  
"Derpy," he said, "there's something I need to talk to you about. Why don't you sit down?"  
"Okay," she said, trying to lean the broom against the wall but instead sweeping three boxes of staples off a shelf with the handle. They both sat down on stools behind the counter.  
"This morning I went to see Pinkie Pie," Joe said.  
"Wow! You met Pinkie Pie? She's like the queen of the sugar business! What was she like? I've heard rumours that her desk is made out of solidified caramel and her guards are made out of peanut butter cups that were exposed to nuclear waste and grew arms and legs."  
"That may have been slightly fabricated. This was not a positive meeting as such. She explained the situation to me fairly and calmly. Basically, we have to shut the store down or she'll kill us."  
"What? But why?" Derpy looked upset.  
"She doesn't want anyone stealing her customers. I'm sorry that you'll be jobless, but it's better than us being dead."  
"But Joe… this is my life! I have nowhere else to go, no family, and no friends. You're the only person I can count on!"  
"I'm sorry Derpy. There's just no other way. But we've still got two weeks, so let's try and make as much money as possible before we have to close down. Why don't you get back to cleaning up?"  
"Okay," sighed Derpy. She picked up the broom again and started sweeping again. Joe thought he saw a tear sliding down her cheek, but maybe not.


	4. Chapter 4: Filthy Advice

It was the midmorning the next day. Joe didn't usually get many customers before at least seven o'clock, but Filthy Rich, one of the local aristocrats, had no need to be at work. He was one of the few ponies in Manehattan that could afford to have three meals a day anymore, but even the rich have their vices. Filthy's was iced buns. He was in the basement now, chewing lazily on one, as Joe mopped up the sugar stains on the floor from last night.

"Oh god, that's good," Filthy said, licking the icing off his fingers. He glanced over at Joe. "What's got down pal?" he asked.

"Pinkie Pie told me that if I don't close down my speakeasy in two weeks then she'll kill me!"

"Well, that's a shame," said Filthy. "I like this little place you got down here. Nice friendly atmosphere. But you can't argue with Pinkie. She owns fifteen places in Manehattan alone. She's always showin' that off at her annual Mobster Dinner. Since I fund some of her bars, I get to go every year. The next one's tomorrow evening actually. I sure hope they have those little barbecue crackers again."

"Is it a big event?" asked Joe.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe it. Every mobster from here to Fillydelphia goes! It's the biggest shindig in the whole of Equestria! They all gather in the main hall of Pinkie's estate. She's really distracted from everything going on in the rest of her house."

"Wait, why would you tell me that?"

"I dunno. It seems weird. Bad writing if you ask me."

"Although," said Joe, "this might be just the opportunity I need." A plan started to formulate in his head. "I've got it!" he exclaimed. He started to run up the stairs to the storefront.

"Hey, where ya goin'?" yelled Filthy.

"I have to attend to some urgent business. Look after the bar while I'm gone!" There was the sound of the door at the top of the stairs closing. Filthy turned around on his stool to face the bar. Shelf after shelf of donuts, cakes, pastries and, most importantly, iced buns. A large grin spread across Filthy's face.

"Look after the bar, eh?" he said to himself. "This is going to be fun."

Joe burst into the storefront, startling Derpy who was sitting at the till.

"I know what we can do Derpy!" he yelled.

"What do you mean?"

"I know how we can escape from Pinkie Pie without ending up homeless and penniless!" Derpy smiled with glee.

"That's so great!" she squealed. "What's the plan?"

"Extremely conveniently, tomorrow just happens to be the night that Pinkie Pie holds her annual mobster dinner. While she's entertaining all the guests, we sneak into her vault and steal a ton of money. Then, we flee Manehattan and start new lives elsewhere with enough bits to buy anything!"

"But that's insane! Are you seriously suggesting we rob Pinkie Pie? We'll be killed for sure! They won't even let us into the party!"

"Ah, but that's when our secret weapon comes in. We need a distraction. Something to keep everypony's attention. And I know just the ponies to do it." He started to flip through a phonebook. "They won't fail. Trust me. They're nonpareil…"


	5. Chapter 5: Travelling Salesponies

Derpy was awoken early the next morning by the sound of talking coming from Joe's Business Room. It was actually a close behind the till that he had put a table and chairs in. Sleepily, she got out of bed and crept silently down the stairs. Well, as silently as she could while tripping, rolling down them and somehow setting the till on fire. Joe poked his head out of the Business Room, looked at the flames and sighed.

"Derpy, you've got to stop setting things on fire light that," he said, picking up a fire extinguisher and putting out the small inferno.  
"Anyway, what are you doing down here?" he said when he was finished. "I thought I told you you could have a lie-in."

"I wanted to see what was going on. I could hear you talking to someone." Joe sighed again.

"Well, since you're hear, I might as well be honest and tell you what's going on. Come on in." Derpy followed Joe through the door. Sitting on the other side of the desk, illuminated by the lamp that was the one source of light in the room, were two light-coloured unicorns. They both wore straw boaters with blue bands around them and and blue-white striped waistcoats. They would have looked completely identical, if not for the large red moustache that the one on the right had. "These two guys are my secret weapon," said Joe. "Meet Flim and Flam. They've very kindly agreed to help me with the heist tonight."

"For a price," said the one without the moustache. Joe had introduced him as Flim.

"Of course," said Joe. "How much will I owe you once we're done?"

"We want half of the total profits from this little... business venture. And make sure to tell a friend about us. We get work mainly thanks to word of mouth. Why don't use send them a link to our Ponyhoof page?"

"We've agreed that when we get a thousand 'likes', we'll pay for half the damages caused in Fillydelphia by our little gumball machine mishap," said the other who, using process of elimination, Derpy had now identified as Flam.

"Say, why are you staring me like that young filly?"

"Your hair looks like bacon. Can I eat it?"

"What?"

"Heh heh, why don't we get down to business?" Joe said hurriedly. He pulled out a large piece of paper and splayed it across the desk.

"These are the blueprints for Pinkie Pie's mansion and surrounding area," he said. "They show the layout of all the rooms and doors. Many Bothans died to bring us this information."

"What's a Bothan?" Flim asked.

"It doesn't matter. Anyway, here's the plan: When all the guests have gathered in the main hall, you two will start your sales presentation. You did make sure to get yourselves booked as the entertainment, right?"

"We sure did," said Flim. "They usually hire The Great and Powerful Trixie to do magic tricks, but she has met with... an unfortunate accident."

"You killed her?"

"What? No! She slipped on a banana peel and fell down a cliff into a cactus patch, through a razor blade field and through the window of a pillow factory that was then demolished with her inside it."

"I see. Anyway, while Pinkie and her guests are all entranced by your performance, I will sneak in through this door here and find the main vault, using a chloroform towel to take out any guards along the way. Then, I'll take all the bits I can fit into my sack and escape. I'll rush back here, pick up Derpy, and then we'll catch the midnight train to Canterlot where we can start our new lives."

"How are you going to get into the vault?" asked Derpy. "You don't know the combination to open it!"

"I'll get in with this," said Joe. He reached under the desk and produced a small box, then lifted the lid and revealed the contents. Inside was a huge, grey animal horn. "This," he said, "is the horn of the minotaur Iron Will. I blackmailed him into giving it to me after I stole his steroids. It can cut through anything in the world. Even airline bread rolls."

"That's some horn," said Flam.

"But how exactly are we going to collect our bits if you're blowing town as soon as you grab the money?" asked Flim.

"I'll give you a signal. You'll know once you see it."

"I want to come with you." Joe turned to look at Derpy, who stood looking defiant.

"Derpy, you're a young filly with your whole life ahead of you. I'm already middle-aged. I can afford to risk my life."

"I don't care. You'll need someone to watch your back when you're in there."

"Well... okay, if you're really determined, you can come. But it's going to be incredibly dangerous and we'll probably both die." Derpy smiled.

"Don't worry," she said. "We'll get out of this one alive. Remember, we've still got to accomplish our dream of opening a petting zoo!"

"I don't remember anything about a petting zoo."

"Oh. Wait, you're right, I dreamt that. It was right before I took that phone call from the giant Froot Loop."

"Okaaay. Well, that's the plan everyone. We'll meet up in the alleyway nto the left of Pinkie's mansion at eight o'clock sharp."

"You can count on us Mr. Joe!" said Flim. "And thank you for the opportunity in this very community!"


	6. Chapter 6: The Heist Begins

It was 6:00pm. Joe and Derpy waited in the alleyway for Flim and Flam.

"Where are they?" hissed Joe. "They should be here by now!" But soon enough, the brothers arrived, pushing along a large cart with a cloth draped over it.

"Sorry we're late," said Flim. "Flam took ages applying his moustache cream."

"It's alright," said Joe. "Now get going." The brothers rolled their cart over to the door of Pinkie's mansion. Joe and Derpy put on black balaclavas and snuck round the back. They waited by the mansion's fence in the dark...

Bon Bon consulted her list of guests.

"The Flim Flam Brothers?" she asked.

"That's right!" said Flim. "Travelling salesponies nonpareil" Pinkie Pie booked us as tonight's entertainment."

"Ah yes, you're on the list." Bon Bon opened the double doors and let them in. They looked around in awe and wonder.

"Wow! Flam, have you ever seen anything such a spell-bindingly dazzling building?"

"I certainly haven't, oh brother of mine." Bon Bon escorted them through a side door that led behind the stage of the main hall. The sound of a hundred ponies talking was audible behind the curtains.

"You're due to go on in ten minutes," she said. "Everyone's getting their hors d'oeuvres at the moment. Also, there are five trained snipers positioned around the room. They've been hired to protect Pinkie from any attacks, but won't be afraid to shoot you as well if she isn't sufficiently entertained. The brothers gulped. Not only was this the most high profile gig they'd ever done, it was also by far the most dangerous. They weren't technically even performers. They were salesponies In fact, conmen would be more accurate. Their lives consisted of travelling across Equestria selling over-priced garbage to gullible ponies. Faulty vacuum cleaners, cider squeezing contraptions, fake bombs filled with silly string. But they always prided themselves on putting on a show whenever they did a sales pitch, so they figured they could entertain a room full of mobsters. And anyway, if things went well they might be able to make a few extra bits on the side. Ten minutes later, the Flim Flam Brothers positioned their cart on the stage and the curtains opened...


End file.
